things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
