so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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