I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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