idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
