It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
