Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
