I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
