If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
