ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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