Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
where are my eyebrows?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
