He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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