Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
