So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
