I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
