I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
