Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You pole danced in your parka.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
