you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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