Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
