As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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