Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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