as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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