nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
