I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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