I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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