I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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