you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
