At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
