please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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