Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
