Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
