dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
