Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
