and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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