Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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