I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can text with my tongue
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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