It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
