so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
