I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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