He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
