I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
