She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You are a genius and a whore.
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