why didn't you poke me back
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
