Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
