ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
