Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
