I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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