She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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