john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
