i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need moral support for this bender
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
