Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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