my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
