God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do vagina's smell?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
