I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think my moral compass just broke
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
